Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Another Brick in the Wall

I'm feeling rather disenchanted with school today. It started in first period, and each class after that built up a wave of apathy and depression and just general all-around misery that overcame me. Nothing matters anymore.

Grades are just about the worst thing that ever happened to adolescents. Tell us we're all equal, and then score the value of our brains--our thoughts, opinions, ideas--with a number. If your number is lower than that of the kid at the desk next to you, you're not as good as that kid. You are not worth as much as that kid. You may as well crawl into a corner and cry, because unless you manage to raise your number--your grade--next to that kid, you are dirt. That's what the school would have you believe. Sorry, not buying it.

I'm not usually like this. Okay, maybe I'm always a little cynical, but I'm not usually this bad. I am even capable of realizing the fact that this will probably wear off as soon as tomorrow, but right now, I can't make myself care.

When lunch was drawing to a close, my friend asked me, "What time do we get out of here?" I'm pretty sure he just wanted to know what time lunch ended.

I dejectedly replied, "Never. Not really." The face he gave me was pretty great, but it only slightly improved my mood.

I'm so over high school. I was over high school years ago, but it didn't matter then. Now, I'm really done. I do homework, and it doesn't matter. I don't do homework, and it does matter. I'm tired of playing this ridiculous game. Why do I have to try to achieve some ridiculous score? Grade school is like a bad arcade game that stopped being fun ten years ago but you're not allowed to stop playing until you graduate. Actually, you're allowed to stop playing before that, but then they point at you and shake their heads and tell you that you have no future, and they throw numbers in your face about how hard it is to get a job as a high school dropout. What they don't tell you is that if you hated high school enough to leave, you'd probably hate the jobs they use to get those numbers, too.

I'm not thinking about dropping out. Like I said, I'm just at a teenage emotional low right now. I understand the value of a good education. I love learning. I never want to stop learning. I just want to be done with high school.

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